This is what happens when you trap uplifting unicorns. A silly game.

This is what happens when you trap uplifting unicorns.

A silly game.

I have always loved writing. This year I took a plunge and decided to start a new kind of work, portraits.

Last year I met women in the creative fields, and at the same time, I fell in love with photography. Soon enough I had a fantastic idea: I would publish their stories and photos. On a blog. I called it that way because I found "website" to be pompous at this stage. The only minor issue is that having a blog made me a blogger. I don't know what to think about bloggers. It is a vast category of people. Some provide financial advice and others rate mattresses. I just want to write about the women I admire the work of. 

But I had to overcome my mixed feelings. I built a website, and I made it pretty. I used tools for rookies and the professional help of my cousin. I met with serious ladies, lady bosses, who told me about their careers. And it's been a ton of fun: I am gaining access to women I would never meet otherwise. And when I write, I just experience flow. For real. Editing... well sometimes it is fun. Because anger is an emotion I have easy access to and I don't shy away from it. So sometimes, editing is pleasurably painful. 

But I want to do a good job and honor the gifts of the women who confide in me. So far, I am happy to have readers beyond friends and family. But I want to share their stories with the world. Thus, I have absorbed hours of webinars on digital marketing. I am the Elon Musk of blogging: I want to build a rocket to amplify my message. Creativity is accessible. To infinity and beyond. 

In my hours of webinars, I learn that being a hobbyist is not enough. I have to become a pro. Digital marketing is what it's all about. I learn about SEO. I try to bribe my husband who works for a big search engine, hoping he knows THE secret. I learn that my website being pretty isn't enough. The links have to be understood by algorithms. You know, the modern gods: Algorithms. And my titles... well, they're too long. Too long for the algorithms, too tortuous for the modern brain. Sigh. I get it: I can't stand movie trailers that are too revealing. I have to improve my "title game." So of course, I start reading up on copywriting. Did I tell you that my best friend's name is Hemingway? Fellow writers of the modern age will get the reference. 

And as I re-discover the work of the Advanced Marketing Institute, I am introduced to new concepts -- new to me. What is the Emotional Marketing Value of your title? And I feel that I hold America in the palm of my hand. "Killer," "easy," "astonishing," are all words on the list. Because I like good design and I am an overachiever, I land on the "#1 Headline Analyzer". The thing is, I want to publish a new story about a talented woman tomorrow. So here I am, playing with the tool. I am defeated: the ideas I want to talk about are either too long or not catchy enough. My best attempts average a score in the low 70s. Besides being an overachiever, I also have a competitive streak. So I start Googling what scores the "pros" get. Remember, I am a passionate hobbyist trying to build a rocket in her garage. I need to up my game. And I see some pros have also reached the 70s but not much higher. 

So I come up with The Best Game: Me vs. the Machine. A writer, "harnessing" the power of the almighty algorithm. I start typing away and testing everything. At that point, I am the passenger, and I ride and I ride... I give myself a good 30 minutes to come up with the highest possible score. I keep entering stuff. I use words like "free," "rainbows" and "catastrophic." And this, my friends, is the winning entry: 

"This is what happens when you trap uplifting unicorns," with the highest score of 90. 

I say -- this is gold-medal worthy. Because I hate clickbait, I took a hit for this title and added "- A silly game" as a preamble to this post. Score: 89. Also, my parents are lawyers and that's what they would expect from their offspring. No false advertisement.  

Since it is almost the weekend, I am tempted to launch a competition: who will win the Gold Medal? Who will come up with a higher score? WHAT IS A 100/100 TITLE? I already feel the specter of addiction looming in this snarky open tab. I am sorry. But what a delight. 

C.